Lies Moms Believe: Lie #3

Lies Moms Believe: Lie #3

lie #3: i am to find my identity and fulfillment in motherhood

By Rebekah Hargraves

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READ:  John 17:3, Genesis 1:26-28, Matthew 28:18-20, 2 Corinthians 5:20


Do you remember the woman you were before you became a mom? Chances are, you sometimes struggle to picture in your mind the pre-motherhood you. For many of us moms, we have been taught (and believed!) the lie that we are to find our identity and ultimate fulfillment in motherhood (and therefore the lie that every area of life is to revolve around our children!). Sadly, though, this begins a roller coaster ride of emotions with which many of us are all too familiar.

On the good days, when our children are behaving well and everyone is getting along and enjoying being together, we believe ourselves to be amazing moms and our identity feels secure. We are finding great fulfillment in mothering and all is well. But then that day passes and the next day comes, and everything changes. Our kids refuse to listen, we become desperate for me-time, and our identity is shattered. We now believe ourselves to be horrible mothers, unfit for the job, with fulfillment nowhere to be found.

What if I were to tell you that God has always had in mind a far better way? You see, from the beginning of time, God intended for us to base our identity solely in Him - He made us to bear His image to the world (see Genesis 1:26-28). We were created to be Christ’s ambassadors, ministers of reconciliation purposing to fulfill the Great Commission in our everyday lives (2 Corinthians 5:20, Matthew 28:18-20). We have discovered this truth already in our short time together, so you may be wondering why I’m bothering to bring it up again. I do so because it’s crucial for us to grasp this truth if we ever hope to get off the roller coaster once and for all. If we can ever hope to base our identity in a firm, unchanging foundation and if we ever hope to live fulfilling lives, we must first understand who we are in Christ and what we were made to do.

Jesus said in John 17:3 that eternal life was to know God. That is where we find fulfillment - in knowing Who God is and following what He has called us to do. Thanks to the glorious good news of the gospel, who we are as children of God adopted into His family safe and sound forevermore is the basis of our identity, and it cannot be changed. Our fulfillment comes from living in light of this beautiful truth and walking by the Spirit every day of our lives - including in the area of motherhood! 

Scripture to Meditate: 

“This is eternal life: that they may know you, the only true God, and the one you have sent —Jesus Christ.” ~John 17:3

Reflection Questions:

  1. Have you been basing your identity in motherhood? How has that adversely affected you as a mom?

2. Have you been believing the lie that you are to find your ultimate fulfillment in motherhood? How has this led to your making your children into idols in your heart? How has it kept you from remembering the woman you were before you had kids? Are there things you used to love to do before you had children that you haven’t done in quite a while because they are outside the realm of mothering? What could you do today to resurrect some of those hobbies and interests and live as the woman God created you to be?

3. How can remembering who you are in Christ and the reality that true fulfillment comes from serving Him enable you to live every day with peace and purpose?


Lord, I thank You that You never called me to lose myself in motherhood. You created me as a unique individual and when I am living in light of my identity and fulfillment being found in You, I can then freely live as myself, pursuing the interests and using the gifts You gave to me, even in the midst of my days as a mother. Help me to operate from a place of my life revolving around You rather than my children, thereby helping all of us to thrive and remember the gospel. Thank you for Your goodness, Lord. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

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