This week is all about being Thankful (pretty sure it deserves a capital T in this scenario)...so I promise to wrap this post up with a big bow of perspective and gratitude. But first...I need to show my real:
Last week I had a bit of a rough day at work. Nothing horrendous...just one of those days where I was there a bit later than I would have liked, dealing with small annoyances a bit more annoying that I would have liked. I walked out in a cranky mood and thought to myself, "I really want to call my friend and tell her about this." Does that sound weird and vague? "my friend"? Well, it sounded weird and vague in my head too. In the past, there would have been a name in there- I want to call Meg. Katie. Deb. But now when I tried to figure out just who I wanted to call...I came up blank. I mentally scrolled through a list of my friends, and though I thought of several people, I struggled to match up a friend with my specific need. I didn't need much, just someone to listen to my very petty first world problem...but I just couldn't find a fit. For each name I thought of I immediately thought of a reason that I couldn't (or wouldn't) call them...
And I started to realize that while I had a lot of sometimes friends, the true anytime friends were more rare.
I began to think about all the circles of friendships I have...My church friends, blogger friends, childhood friends, neighbors, bookclub friends, college friends, mom friends, coworkers, former coworkers...
And they're great! Really! But they're also incomplete...not the friends. The circles. (I guess that makes them semi-circles? Argh...stay with me...) Each group only knows part of me. The bloggers relate to my silly #thestruggleisreal moments when I battle jealousy over virtual "likes". The childhood friends can jump into a story about my family and not ask for a refresher on who's who. The church friends share my perspective, even when I'm having trouble keeping perspective.
But few of them can relate to it all. (Turns out UC Bearcat grads turned Pittsburghers, with retail and advertising backgrounds, who've read at least 11 of the Stephanie Plum series, have small kids and love Jesus don't exactly grow on trees). And as I searched for someone who would get where I was, and meet me there, I got lonely, and sad. Because there's nothing quite the bummer of feeling lonely, and then not even having someone to tell about the loneliness.
So...um....I think it's time for me to put a bow of Thankfulness on this now? And I should probably add a lesson about Genuine Community. Maybe include a bible verse over a pretty background that you could pin to your Inspiration board?
Well. I'm not sure I have that. What I have is this: sometimes, despite my wonderful friends, and my lovely family, and all around great life....I feel lonely. And having several circles of pretty good friends doesn't make up for the need to know and be known intimately by a few. So I''ll take my own advice to keep pursuing deep friendships, and nurturing the relationships I have despite changes in our geography or life circumstance. And maybe the next time I feel lonely, I'll use it as an opportunity to let someone in to know me a bit more. Because maybe those sometimes friends are longing for an anytime friend too.