My husband and I just celebrated our 7th wedding anniversary on Monday. We were married on snowy, blizzard like day in December 2007. It was everything I ever hoped for in our wedding day (minus the 6 inches of snow!) and even at a young 22, I wasn't scared at all. Marriage was the logical next step for us. We couldn't wait. After doing a long distance relationship for 5 years, it was time. Marriage seemed easy!
It was easy.
For a long time, it seemed effortless. It wasn't always perfect, but I couldn't imagine loving my husband any more than I did on our wedding day.
Then real life started to kick in. When we got married, I was finishing my last year of college, and being a student and a newlywed/housewife was not as easy as I thought. Throw in both of us starting new jobs, a lot of home improvement projects, and finding out I was pregnant all before our first wedding anniversary, and it seemed like a recipe for disaster. Some days, it was. We were trying to figure out how to re-prioritize our life together to include a baby and that in itself was tough for us to visualize. We learned a lot about each other in those months leading up to the birth of our baby boy. Then postpartum anxiety crept in and took over my life, and there were days that my husband did not deserve the wife he came home to at the end of the day. I tried to hide it, but finally I couldn't anymore. The only person that I thought would understand was him, but I was wrong. He had no idea where any of this was coming from, or how to fix it.
Men are fixers, by nature. They just aren't built with the nurturing skills that women are. Not a bad thing, just different. Tough, when all I wanted was for someone to give me the solution to a problem that even I couldn't comprehend.
After seeing my doctor and then a Christian counselor, I started to see that anxiety isn't an easy fix. Satan was creeping into every aspect of my life, and I was letting it happen. It seemed uncontrollable. I started realizing that the person I needed to rely on wasn't my husband, or even my family and friends. I needed to rely on my faith in Jesus more than anything, and that it was through His strength alone that would cease the anxiety that was crippling my life.
“Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus” (Philippians 4:6-7).
I clearly remember the aha! moment I had when it all finally clicked. I was trying so hard to hide what was going on inside that I wasn't being a good version of myself in any way. It was then that I knew that if I was going to be the best wife and mother, I needed to be the best version of myself- by leaning on the Lord and letting His strength carry me. It's not easy, but oh, how it is wonderful to see the Lord work in my on a day to day basis!
Moms, when the days seem never ending, turn towards Him. If you struggle with anxiety, seek Him. Take a few minutes and call out to Him. He will give you rest!
Isaiah 41:10 Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
I hope you can find some rest today in the midst of a busy season. What a joyous time to celebrate and rest in Him!