A few weeks ago I was listening to a sermon on my phone while I was out and about running errands and something hit me like a ton of bricks. Jesus did not want to go to the cross. He knew He didn't have a choice but He was human, He didn't want to be brutally beaten and left to die. I honestly can't tell you what the sermon topic or scripture was because I was so taken aback by that truth. It couldn't have come at a better time because I remember being painfully exhausted by a long night with a teething baby and a to do list a mile long. My house needed vacuuming and mopping, laundry was piling up, and all I wanted to do was sleep.
Jesus did something He did not want to do.
I was in that moment I realized the least I could do in this life is live with optimism and embrace the chaos. Do I want to be up from 3-4a tending to my sad baby who is in pain? No. Do I want to clean poop off my bed when I was too lazy to change Ford on the changing table and he happened to have a blowout? No thanks. I'd like to sleep 9 hours a night, shower every day, eat "real" adult food, and spend more than 10 minutes being intentional with my husband. But that's not always realistic. I am learning more and more as I get deeper into this motherhood gig that it requires me to do a lot of things I don't want to do. And boy do I wish I could do those with grace. I'm working on it. I have to tell myself being a mom to just one baby will probably be the easiest I ever have it. Jesus did not want to go to the cross. I can get through today's mess.
I hold tight to Isaiah 40:8 in the middle of chaos
"The grass withers and the flowers fall, but the word of our God endures forever."
His love will fill your empty heart and His grace wash over you like rain. Though your life feels disheveled, disorganized, and messy... He is your constant. Embrace the chaos, it is an ironic gift from Him.