Recently I read a post by a friend, titled: I was made for this. It's a beautiful piece, about all the little snippets of motherhood (or parenthood, really)- the tiny joys and struggles, and mundane pieces that make up a whole life with little ones. And I totally get her point- the inspirational refrain- the battle cry and Little Engine That Could mantra that is meant to help to push through the long, hard days.
And it is good. And true.
If I'm being really honest.
Really, really honest.
I don't believe I was made for this.
Not when this is: responding to early morning wake up calls, answering "why?" for the ten billionth time that day, catching baby (or big-kid) puke in my hands, enduring constant "Daddy do it!" demands, eating cold leftover bites of a discarded sandwich, and falling down exhausted, depleted, and defeated at the end of another long day in a endless string of insufferably long days.
I wasn't made for continual giving, humbling, working, sweating, worrying, hurting, and sacrificing.
You see...I know the things that come naturally to me, and they are not the things of motherhood. My natural inclinations are towards the things of this world. The things that serve me. The things that are fun, and easy, and selfish.
God was made for love. For perfect, endless, patient love. And despite all my shortcomings, and my messes, and my weaknesses, I was still made in His image.
I may not be made for this, but I'm being made-over. Every day. By a God who makes messes into masterpieces, and people like me, into mothers.
And so are you. So as our creator continues sculpting and refining our hearts, there will be days when you're so deeply awash in the joy of motherhood that you'll feel like you must have been created perfectly for that very instant. And you will be so right about that. You were made for this.
But there will also be times when you've given all you have, and are struck with how very quickly your human ability runs out, and fails to measure up to the infinite task of unconditionally loving another person (or two, or seven...) In those moments, you will hear a different set of internal refrains- "I'm not cut out for this." "I don't want to do this." "I can't..." "I'm not..." And you will be so right about that too. Because you're still being made.
It's all just different angles of a huge truth. You were made for this. And you weren't. But He was, and is, and ever will be.
And all of us have had that veil removed so that we can be mirrors that brightly reflect the glory of the Lord. And as the Spirit of the Lord works within us, we become more and more like him and reflect his glory even more. -2 Corinthians 3:18 (New Living Translation)
What do you think? Were you made for this? Or do you feel the struggle like I do?