I'm the kind of person who loves to feel the complete and full range of emotions. I live for those moments when you laugh so hard your face hurts. But I also find it refreshing and therapeutic to have a good sad cry. I feel things deeply. And I honestly don't mind being this way. I think it allows me to live life to the fullest and to have an empathetic spirit.
However, I am also the kind of person who makes MANY decisions (big and small) based solely on my feelings at that moment. Can anyone relate? I'll give you an example of a more light-hearted decision. If I'm feeling extra confident one day, I may go ahead and buy those cute jeans that look great on me. I can rock those jeans. I may even instagram me rocking them! But 24 hours later, perhaps after a long day, or a stressful battle of wills with the kids, I'm wondering what in the world possessed me to buy a pair of jeans that I clearly look awful in!
See? It's hard to keep up.
And the worst culprit when it comes to keeping up with my rollercoaster of feelings is texting. I can type anything that pops into my head, and send it off immediately. I recently fired off a group text to my sisters and brother-in-laws about family issue that felt monumentally URGENT at the moment, only to have my husband gently tell me later that night.... "Babe, you probably should have slept on it before sending that out." Well shoot. Sometimes I wish there was a setting on my phone that detected when my emotions were running high and made me wait 4 hours before I was able to send out a text. Okay, maybe not.
But we do joke that there should be a hashtag for all the times I have pulled one of my frenzied, in-the-moment, half-baked reactions.... Hashtag #ThatsSoBri
I often go to bed toiling and despairing about something that I FEEL is overwhelming my soul only to wake up the next morning and realize it's not so bad after all. Thank the good Lord for his new mercies each morning. Because I'm all over the place.
I've found myself praising God lately for his consistency. As a wife and mother, I am so often inconsistent. And my ever-changing feelings will drive action or inaction. Yes, of course I'm always there for the people I love. But within the umbrella of simply being physically present, there are endless ways that I will both exceed their needs as well as fall short. But when my inconsistencies and human limitations won't allow me to see past my feelings at certain moment, I will remember the consistent character of my God.
I am a flurry of busyness and randomness.
He is present.
I am a floundering falling leaf, letting the wind toss me to and fro.
He is intentional.
I am a wandering soul, changing constantly and never sitting still.
He is constant.
I am covered in stains and self-inflicted wounds.
He is pure.
I am a noisy gong and a clanging symbol.
He is love.
I long to be mature in Christ. I long to be mature in motherhood as well. I want to react with wisdom, and make decisions with more thoughtfulness. But I'm a work in progress. And in my shortcomings, He is glorified. In my inconsistency, He is constant.
Bri Carlisle is a wife and mother-of-two living in the Philadelphia area. She enjoys photography, running, diet coke, and talking about her feelings (obviously). You can find her over at her personal blog, Woven, or on Instagram where she is slightly more consistent with updates. Praise hands!