I wish I could have blamed my sore throat that day on the germs my kids typically brought home from school...but, sadly, my throat was scratchy because I had been hissing at my children all morning as I tried to get them up and out the door.
Now, in my defense, I tried sweet wake-up snuggles and back rubs, but they were met with whining and fussing. And putting on a school uniform that someone else washed, folded, and laid out for you the night before? Ugh. Clearly too much to ask of them. The ungrateful looks I received when I asked them to serve themselves warm scrambled eggs, fresh fruit and pumpkin chocolate chip bread? You can believe I went all kinds of starving-kids-in-Africa on them.
And lest you think I'm raising tiny emperors, these are the same children who by lunch are singing my lunch-box-packing-praises...it's just that mornings are a struggle. Well, that, and they are wretched sinners just like their mommy. Extremely cute; but sinners nonetheless.
By the time we were buckled in and headed to the carpool lane, the Holy Spirit pricked my conscience. At first I felt convicted, but then began to sink into condemnation. The mom guilt was ripe for the taking. Instead of listening to God's comforting voice that calms, encourages, and leads me to righteousness; I chose to hear the obsessively discouraging and defeating lies of the Enemy.
I offered a weak apology to the kids, prayed, dropped them off at school, and then headed home to face the dirty breakfast plates. But, before I could get to the sink, I heard God telling me chores could wait, but the upkeep of my soul could not. I headed for my nightstand, grabbed my Bible, and flopped down on my bed to remember Whose I was. My Father reminded me that against Him and Him only had I sinned and done what was wrong. I needed to deal vertically before I even attempted to make it right horizontally.
So, I took my feelings of failure straight to 1 John 1:9, "If we confess our sins He is faithful and just to cleanse us and forgive us of all unrighteousness." I scribbled my shortcomings in my journal and wrote this verse all over the sins until they were no longer visible. Seeing my sin covered by Truth lifted the weight and set it on Christ's shoulders to be carried and removed. Not only that, I was reminded that I had Jesus' perfection and the power of the Holy Spirit to change. This practice of calling it sin, calling it forgiven, and calling on the Holy Spirit to change me freed me from the burden of my sin and reminded me that regardless of my circumstances, I can choose not to sin. And when I do struggle and fall? I can count on the indwelling power of the Holy Spirit to convict, comfort and change me.
When this mommy messes up and struggles with sin, running to Jesus is the only hope I have. What can you write out and cover with Truth today?
Let’s talk more about our struggles and our hope in Jesus over on Instagram or my blog! I’d love to hear how God is changing you.