Wrangling five month old twins who are busy and need attention, and a husband who needs help and wants to hang out is enough to make life a little crazy. Add a business that I’m trying to grow, another business I’m trying to get off the ground, and a blog I’m desperately trying to keep alive, and life is insane. Then, trying to maintain my own sanity is near impossible.
But lately, in all of this, the Holy Spirit has been reminding me of the personality and character traits of someone who is living in the Spirit and one who is living in the flesh. And, sadly, if there was a checklist of all my characteristics that were seen in a given day, there would probably be more boxes checked under the column of Flesh rather than Spirit.
Knowing that we should pray for what we want, I've begun to pray about who I was; I've prayed about my character and personality, my tolerance, and how I portrayed my frustrations and anger. I've seen how fits of rage, the frustration that caused me to “wife” and mother in an unloving way, and my tendency to put myself above the needs of the house (I’m going to send a quick text, then…) were effecting the people and mood of my household.
Thankfully, the Holy Spirit, our quite literal God sent help, constantly reminds me of why the frustration, unrest, and flesh-like behaviors are stirring up trouble throughout my day. I was experiencing unrest and frustration because I was not asking for peace to honor God. I wanted peace for my own sake. I’m not asking to remain calm in chaotic moments so that the Lord can reign in those moments. I’m asking for the situation to change or for the babies not to cry at the same time, instead of asking God to change me. I wasn’t asking God for wisdom in parenting or in managing my stress better. I wasn't rearranging my days/tasks better to fit my family instead of myself for Christ’s sake.
"...You don't have what you want, because you don't ask God. When you do ask for something, you don't receive it. That's because you ask for the wrong reason..." -James 4:2-3
I’m learning to exercise faith and dependence on God and desire his glory in all things. When I’m trying to work but the babies need me or my husband needs me, that’s not a time to get frustrated because I was interrupted. It’s an opportunity for me to trust God that my work will get done after I tend to my family with love and patience. I have to remind myself of the lesson that it’s not what I do, but how I do it. If I end up making a deal with my husband or even if I have to stop what I’m doing, how I do is more important than what I do. The difference in how I live is what I'm doing to honor God and allowing peace to reign in my home.