As a military spouse I occasionally get a little tiny taste of what it is like to be a single mama. And every time it happens I always feel shocked at how different life is. The differences go way beyond just the exhaustion of doing everything myself (which is extreme), everything in my daily life and even my interactions with other moms changes. So I asked around to some of my favorite single mamas what they wanted people to know about being single and how to love them well and here is what they said…
Remember that there they are trying to juggle ALL THE THINGS by themselves with no support, so give them grace. They may not volunteer for the school or be on time for your coffee date, but they will absolutely be trying their very best.
The exhaustion is all consuming and so very real, and sometimes they just need a hug, like really and truly just a hug that can mean everything. So give some single mamas some touch and a big old hug.
There are very real financial restraints when you are living on a single income, child care alone can get to be ridiculous so keep that in mind when planning a girls night out. Your single mama friend will have to pay for a babysitter along with whatever you have planned for the night so maybe a girls night in at her house after the kids go to bed could be a great option.
Being a single mama can get really lonely, and sometimes they just want to be around other people, including you and your husband. Whenever my husband is out of town it’s automatic that I only gather with other single mamas, and when he is in town we often only hang out with other couples. The single mamas you know and love and trust should be on your invite list all the time, whether your husband is home or not.
Don't tell a single mama that Jesus is her boyfriend. Yes she loves Jesus, yes she knows her worth is in Him and not in being loved by a man. However, Jesus does not take out the trash or give foot rubs at the end of a hard day, and while Jesus holds her heart the longing to have someone hold her hand is real and dismissing this is dismissing her.
Offer to do things around her house, go over to visit with your husband and kids to fix/hang/dig/paint all the things that are too much to do when you are just one person. My husband loves cars so whenever a single friend is over he is out checking their oil and tire pressure making sure the brake lights work and my friends leave knowing that they are loved and cared for in my family.
Just be a friend, allow them to vent, be a shoulder to cry on, believe with them for their soul mate, know that your hug might be the only adult touch they are getting and make it extra squeezy, love them well.
I feel like I could go on forever and maybe I have gone on too long, but as Valentine’s Day approaches I am asking you to remember the single mama and do your best to love her well. We all go through seasons that are extra hard, extra lonely, and need extra care, so let’s commit to being sisters and loving on one another.
Do you have anything you would add to this list?
Amber Newberry is the founder of Beautiful & Beloved a ministry dedicated to freedom and empowerment. Amber has 4 littles ages 8-3 and lives in the mountains of southern Colorado, she enjoys speaking to MOPS and women all over about what it means to live believing you are Beautiful and Beloved.