Season of Lack
If there was one word I have become painfully familiar with over the past couple of years is lack. Not enough. Not enough money. Not enough sleep. Not enough love or commitment. Not enough time. Not enough snuggling or playing. Not enough reading of the Word. Nor enough communing with the Lord. But, there’s ironically an abundance of questioning: Was I patient enough? Did I work hard enough? Am I sacrificing enough of the right stuff in the right portions?
There’s lack of grace given to myself and a great need of more of positive self talk.
At the end of the day, when considering my circumstances, I realize that the only thing that’s lacking is consistent gratitude for what is. No, there isn’t always enough money, but thanks be to God our needs are covered. There isn’t enough sleep, but thanks to God I had enough energy to mother my daughters and teach my students with patience, laughter, and joy. No, I didn’t reach this goal and that didn’t happen, but I’m a lot closer than I was before. No, I don’t have time to draw exquisite notes and spend hours in the Word, but still thankful that he hears my prayers and for bible apps that allow me to get a quick word in. Yes, I wish I had more time to play with my children, but I’m thankful for the time we do get and I’m so pleased that it’s filled with happiness and laughter, hugs, and kisses.
A lot feels to be missing these days but I’m trusting God with my heart and soul. With my sanctification and growth… with my time and my children.
As I’m thinking and writing and becoming more aware of myself, the Lord is reminding me that he is always faithful, that He has a plan. That his goal is to mold me into a woman/mother who is more like him – content and faithful in all circumstances, trusting that he cares for me and is paying attention to the details of my life just as he promises me in his Word.
Satan would love nothing more than to steal my heart from the Lord. He would love to plant seeds of distrust and doubt in my mind as to tear apart the loving relationship we share. How he wants me to believe that the Lord is withholding good things and that he has forgotten me. He wants to divert my eyes away from my savior whose broken body provides forgiveness, grace, and mercy. How dare I look at my Father and tell him that what he provided has missed the mark?
How easy it is to forget that there is no lack in the Lord. He is overflowing with grace, love, justice, mercy, hope, and kindness. At the right time, the Lord will bless us abundantly with our Earthly needs and heart desires, as well.
Trust the Lord with all of your heart, for He knows.
Alaina Mayes is a twin mama living in the great state of Texas! You can find shared pieces of her heart over on her blog, unashamedgrowth.com, and little snippets of life on her Instagram, @amayes.