Losing Control

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I had created the perfect plan. I would get married by 24, have baby #1 by 26, and have baby #2 by 28. And then, at some point, we could add in a dog and live happily ever after.

But as 24, 26, and 28 all passed and I was single, I realized that my plan was in trouble. To be honest, I was not happy to have to adjust the plan. And I was doing all the right things, so I kept wondering why God wasn’t giving me what I wanted. I feared that God had forgotten about me and it was up to me to make it all work out.


Isaiah 55:8-9 says, “The Lord says, “My thoughts are not like yours. Your ways are not like mine. Just as the heavens are higher than the earth, so my ways are higher than your ways, and my thoughts are higher than your thoughts.”

In time, the Lord showed me that my plan was so flawed, like I am. He revealed to me that I can make all the plans I want, but His thoughts, ways, and plans will always be better than mine. (Proverbs 16:9) And they were so much better! I married at 31, to a wonderful man who had two wonderful daughters.

As the years passed, I did a pretty good job of keeping the control monster in me at bay. Until our oldest daughter entered high school. The “golden days” of controlling her environment, friend groups, and experiences were a thing of the past. The control freak in me had a hard time accepting that reality.

During this season, I held tight to the words of Philippians 4:6-9, “Don’t worry about anything, but pray and ask God for everything you need, always giving thanks for what you have. And because you belong to Christ Jesus, God’s peace will stand guard over all your thoughts and feelings. His peace can do this far better than our human minds. Brothers and sisters, continue to think about what is good and worthy of praise. Think about what is true and honorable and right and pure and beautiful and respected. And do what you learned and received from me—what I told you and what you saw me do. And the God who gives peace will be with you.”

The reality I had accept was I had been parenting out of fear and not out of trust. My worries and my freak outs were not things that were good, worthy of praise, true, honorable, right, pure, or beautiful. At the end of the day, it all came down to me--I thought I had a better plan, that I knew best.

I started praying that the Lord would make me aware when I was getting out of control with trying to control. (And, He has answered that prayer, more times than I care to admit.) I began to pray that God would give me and my husband the wisdom we needed to be the parents our girls needed, and He continues to prove faithful in answering this prayer!

No matter what stage of motherhood you find yourself in, don't lose sight of the fact that God has a plan for your kids. And His plan is the best plan, just as He is the best Father. Sweet Mama, don’t forget that God has a specific plan for you, too. He has called you to be the mom to your kids, and no one else can fill your shoes. He will be faithful to give us everything we need, if we lean into Him and lose our need for control.

Psalm 86:15 says, “My Lord, you are a kind and merciful God. You are patient, loyal, and full of love.” In our freak outs and our mess ups, don’t forget that the Lord is kind, merciful, patient, and full of love. So, let’s lose control together and parent out of trust in the One who is writing our stories.


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