Letting Go of My Not So Controlled Life
“I was tired last night. Our truck died AGAIN yesterday afternoon and had to be towed to Lenny’s Auto Repair and our kitchen sink is backed up so you can’t use it or the dishwasher. Plastic dish ware is my new best friend. My life has become a country song...all I need is a dog to die...oh wait…”
This was the text I sent to a friend on Monday morning after an unexpected—and unwanted—weekend of mishaps.
Why can’t life just go along smoothly like I planned?! I found myself speaking out loud to no one in particular as I poured myself a second third cup of coffee.
I sat down, willing myself to open my bible, knowing I would find some comfort in the words, but instead I sat for a few moments, pondering how often life takes twists and turns I have no control over.
Control. A word I like a little too much and wrestle with a little too often. A word that regularly comes up in scripture, but not in the context that I’d like, not in the way that it’d suit me as a means to hang onto my nice little life, wrapped up with a pretty red bow slapped across the front.
No, control is often asked to be laid down—willingly— trusting in a God who has promised to take care of me and all the little bits and pieces of my life.
But all too often I find myself gripping and clinging to my desire to want to control everything and everyone around me—including my husband, my kids, my circumstances, myself, and anyone else within arms reach of me (whether they like it or not). But what I’ve realized is that control often has the reverse effect, instead of freeing me from worry or dread or fear, trying to control everything often just leaves me exhausted, stifling myself and everyone else around me.
The name of the Lord is a strong tower, the righteous run to it and they are saved (Proverbs 18:10). The words breeze through my mind, bringing what feels like a breath of fresh air over my soul.
The Lord is a strong tower. My strong tower. All I have to do is run to it. I visualize myself running to that tower. Giving my control over to a force much greater than I, telling myself that I don’t need to control everything in my life, I just need to remember to always turn to the one who does.
My life may never be perfectly wrapped up with a pretty red bow (my kitchen sink is still clogged), and far worse things may come my way than the trials I face today, but joy and peace can still be found when I turn and run to God, who has also promised to never leave me or forsake me.
And today I choose to cling to the truth of these words, and let my control rest with him.